Currently Reading The Actor Speaks: Voice and the Performer By Patsy Rodenburg see related

What is it? Five weeks now? Crikey. Feels like a long time, but like a short time too. My body clock is finally starting to adjust - I've started waking up of my own accord around 6-6:30 instead of being jerked out of sleep by my alarm at 6:45. I still need to find a more reliable bus service than the c**ting 370 which turns up if and when it feels like, travels around the world, and arrives anywhere within a 20 minute window of its appointed arrival time. I'm seriously considering making a complaint about it for all the good it will do.

I had a bit of tumultuous week last week. All my stresses came to a head and I felt like I was on the verge of a meltdown. I'm finding it hard because I really don't have the friends around me I used to, who I relied upon for venting and being shoulders to cry on, etc, etc. I'm very vocal about my feelings, and I don't have that many people around me who I can just offload on guilt free. And at NIDA everyone is new; none of them know me, I don't know any of them. I don't feel I have any close friends yet. It's one big group, and I thrive in groups - but only when I am part of it. Here I feel outside of it.

Earlier in the week, when the last hideous Mercury retrograde was coming to an end I felt depressed about my financial state, the progress of my uni work, I felt totally invisible at NIDA - as if no one was remotely interested in who I was or where I'd come from - and depressed about the fact that I'm still single and not getting any welcome attention. Or any attention for that matter. Depressed about not being able to go to the gym, that I've lost muscle ands gained fat - I feel like an unattractive blob. And no it DOESN'T help when my mate in Armidale says "I can't believe you don't have a feller, you're such a great guy. Hey why don't you cheer yourself up by going to this gay sauna place in Sussex St?" I know he means well, telling me I'm amazing might feel good, but only highlights even more to me the fact that I'm alone, and I'm also not the sort of person who can go have anonymous sex and feel better (I'm not saying he is either, but it's a different mindset ...). All this is pissing me off because I'm generally a very optimistic and positive person, and I somehow can't shake this feeling of dissatisfaction, frustration, and general negativity. I've experienced depression in the past, and got myself out of it very successfully, and largely without help. Lately I've been getting those periods of absolute antipathy towards everything, complete and utter lack of motivation to even get up off the couch, random tears, and descent into wild fantasy - I spent a whole bus ride one morning sitting behind a gorgeous beefy wog boy imagining our life together, telling myself the whole time that I really should be doing my reading for uni, but it felt better to waste my time with pathos and longing.

Later in the week I felt better - coincidentally the day Mercury went direct. A hot 3rd year guy actually spoke to me, people were friendlier, I felt a bit of motivation, the workload seemed lighter. Mercury retros tend to bang me around, and this one was in my 1st house. We were having a conversation about astrological things at the eCT meeting last night, so I'm using my time at work today to look at my chart and what transits I'm currently under. I'm surprised and not a little bit pleased to see that Neptune is moving away from my Ascendant - slowly; it's currently around 4 degrees away. It goes retrograde again in late May, but only goes back two degrees. Yes still affecting it, but I feel better knowing it's on the way out. I notice Mars is approaching the same point though. What do you think Soror Arnica? Mars transitting Ascendant... I'll look into it myself. Another one coming up later this year is Saturn over my Moon. Luckily it looks like most of it's in my uni holidays so introspection and retreating to my room and typing away might be a good thing to do then.

I'm going to dinner tonight with my course co-ordinator and two fellow Voice students. The Head of Course is such a businesslike guy I'm very interested to see if he's any different in a social context. Also we'll be dropping into the birthday party of the woman teaching us grammar, who's a neighbour of the HoC. She's fantastic and apparently drinks a lot when she is merry, so I'm very much looking forward to that.

Currently Reading Voice and the Actor By Cicely Berry see related

Okay so I've got a long drawn out working Saturday (10-6 in the callcentre, then 6:30-10:30 at the theatre) so I figured I could afford to write a potted history of the last three or four months. It's a wee bit long, but I'm an entertaining guy, so give it a go!

The landlord/lady issue exploded and the c**ting landlord basically verbally assualted me, passed judgement on my life, accusing me of "sitting down there in front of the tv, doing nothing, going to uni, going to the gym and, going out on the PISS" (he was drunk at the time, which is so fucking rich, but then there weren't many days when he was wasn't either drunk or recovering). Despite the fact that I very rarely went out drinking in the time I was there, my life basically WAS as a uni student and yes I go to the gym four days a week - not sure what exactly is wrong with that - and everytyhing he learnt about me was between the time it took me to walk from the front door to the top of the stairs. He NEVER spoke to me or even came downstairs while I was there.

Anyway the long and short of it was that he said I had to be out of the house by Friday (think it was Monday or Tuesday). The fact that I still had about 4000 words and an entire performance to pull together by thenmeant little to him, so I had to basically drop everything academically in the final week and pack up my life in Armidale. I walked out of the house and only went back to pack. I didn't say another word to the drunk, but I left things well with L. I'm so lucky to have had such wonderful friends up there. I stayed at M's place and then at G's - which was great because my farewell party was there. I was considering not doing my sacred theatre performance, but in light of the wonderful work the guys (or girls rather) who came on board did, I had to go ahead with it - if in a truncated form. It went really well and was the perfect end to a horrible week. All my lecturers were gorgeous and said I could send my outstanding assignments up in a few weeks once I'd settled in Sydney.

Said farewell party was so so so so wonderful. I got rightly pissed and had a sore throat the next day from talking so much. My lecturers came along and we talked into the night. I miss all of them terribly. My folks arrived and we packed up the car. Had a nice dinner at the Wicklow with them and M and G - the two closest friends I'd made. Then we drove off the next day. My car gave out at Maitland, but the NRMA got it going again.

I auditioned for the Voice Studies course at NIDA a few weeks after returning (and after I'd finished all my uni work). I felt pretty ordinary about it - monologues were mediocre, project was a mish mash. I was happy with my interview though - I can talk well.

I then went back to working and earning money to live. I saw whoever I could whenever I could, but I must admit I was just happy to have the time to myself. I did Xmas with the family (including my borther's girlfriend, who is wonderful), then spent the following week watching all of Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Christ that's a great show. New Years was the campest ever - watching "Priscilla" with my fashionista flatmate, a Wiggle and Dorothy the Dinosaur - followed by a nice mellow houseparty within stumbling distance of home.

Found out in early December that I'd been accepted to NIDA. Major freak out. I had a hideous week of trying to decide between that and Emergence before having a nervous breakdown, and finding a resolution. I love my parents.

I had about five dates with a hot hot Tasmanian bodybuilder guy who was just so decent and normal - none of this rushing into bed thing. Then he said he "wasn't looking for a relationship right now" and that he'd really love it if we could be "friends." We are still friends, but those are two phrases I'm just sick to death of. If I hear them again I'm going to smack the person who says them and tell them to give me something REAL. In retrospect, starting a relationship before NIDA would probably not have been a good move. There are enough hot guys at uni, but conversely having a relationship with someone AT uni wouldn't be the best move either. Of course it doesn't help that that fucking guy I've been in love with all year and thought I was over just won't get the hell out of my head. I had an extremely intense dream with him in it the other night and I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do. I feel like a sad psycho stalker type person - it's ridiculous.

Anyway, just finished my second week of postgrad study at NIDA and am quite overhwlemed. So many people, so much information, so much WORK. We're studying Laban acting technique which has a distinct Jungian element, Alexander Technique, speech pathology, anatomy, grammar, and I'm currently helping out on a production of Chekhov's "The Wood Demon" (an early version of "Uncle Vanya").  My first major assignment is to put on the project I did for my audition, so I've got to tidy it up and make it presentable.

That's enough for now I think. Next time - my money woes, and the trouble with gym memberships!

Currently Reading Finding Your Voice By Barbara Houseman see related

Yeah yeah, I know, it's been months since I did anything on here. Huge developments since that last post. For another time. For the moment though I got this from my Soror's blog and thought it would be fun.

As for tagging, what is this tagging bizzo? Pfft.

1 .Grab the nearest Book to you,

2. Open to page 123, look down to the 5th sentence.

3. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog.

4. Include the title and the author's name.

5. Tag 3 people

“The mind is split and is coming to conclusions before it has fully heard. An over-simplified example of this is when you are being introduced to several people, or when you are being given directions of how to get somewhere. Frequently you forget the names or directions very quickly, not because they are more than you can remember, but because the mind is racing ahead to what you are going to say or do after you have finished listening."

"Voice and the Actor" by Cicely Berry (Foreword by Peter Brook)

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I have an avid passion for the occult.

2. I keep my toe- and fingernail clippings (they're thoroughly cleaned - don't ask).

3. I find outrageously huge bodybuilders extremely attractive. There is no such thing as too big.

4. I have constructed four of my own fully functioning languages with their own writing systems (two with a comprehensive vocabulary).

5. Incorrect grammar, punctuation, or general lexical usage gives me a facial tick. There is a difference between THAN and THEN people! Don't get me started on THERE, THEIR and THEY'RE - or IRREGARDLESS.

6. I occasionally harmonise with the microwave or other electrical appliances such as fridges, computers or bathroom fans.

Who'da thunkit? Two posts from me in as many days... My landlady was pestering me this morning about speaking to her husband about the moving out issue - as though I didn't know it was a worry. She's the sort of person who loves to tell people what they should have done after the fact. Not so much in a told-you-so way (although that's how she intends it) more in a "I would have done it this way." Honestly, I have nothing against her per se, but I'm gagging to get out of that house - it's just such a complicated web to negotiate, nothing is simple.

I had to tell my mate today that I couldn't go back to Port with him this weekend for his birthday party. I was certain I would be able to do it until last night when I spent about an hour tossing and turning thinking about everything I have to do before the weekend, and then on the weekend, and realised I wouldn't be able to. Felt rotten because he looked pretty devastated.

Spoke to an agent today I had contact with last year. I just missed out on being picked up by one day on account of a fellow cast member in a show she'd seen us in calling her the day before I did. But - and I haven't mentioned this on here! - I was offered an acting job in a computer game the day I got back to Sydney last holidays (which I take to be a very good sign). This is a great drawcard for finding representation in that I can call an agent as say "Hi would you like to represent me for this job and then we can go from there?" - essentially saying "Here, take money! Then I'll make you some more!" This particular agent is the sister of a good friend of mine in Sydney and is really wonderful, but now is a bad time to be approaching agents as all the acting schools are having their graduate shows and agents' days so most of them are going to be holding off on any decisions until after then. This is what she said to me. But she did say if I needed any help or advice on this job or anything else to give her a ring, and to call her in five or six weeks when most of the said graduate shows et al were done with. Also said to get on to other agents right now rather than waiting until I was back in town. I'm going to take the advice - but still send her my headshot and bio, etc. as she's a very good agent by all accounts.

I'm now trying to mount my sacred theatre project. I had a first meeting with potential ritualists today. One of them seemed very uncomfortable with my explanations of Vodou salutes and Witchcraft chants which loosely translate as "Kill! Kill for the feast!" Another woman there told me she was a bit religious so I texted her to let her know that if anyone uncomfortable with any of the material I would understand. She called me relieved to say thanks but no.

I'm now going to borrow a pile of books on the Kings of Old and Middle Kingdom Egypt - after I pay an f-ing library fine of about $30 for f-ing late renewals or some such crap. I object to library fines when you can essentially just click a button on a website to renew the book as many times as you like and you only HAVE to return it when someone requests a recall! Grrr...

Wow! It's been ages since I was on here and this is going to be unfortunately brief. I'm feeling a lot better than my last post. Financial situation is a little less dire. I had my play performed last Friday (directed it, not wrote it) to wide acclaim. I was absolutely chuffed with how it went. I now have one essay on the ideology of the Kingship in Old and Middle Kingdom Egypt to write, and one on the nature of theatrical adaptation of classic plays for performance. I also have my Sacred Theatre piece to somehow bring together - that's going to be the tricky one.

In any case I've only got two more weeks up here in the Highlands of New England before I'm a city boy again. Two edeged sword it is. I can't wait to get back - I'm READY to go back more's the point - but I'm going to really really miss everyone up here.

Only concern now is that my landlady's obstinate and alcoholic husband is for some reason not going to let me move back on the weekend I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO move because they aren't going to be there. Although the only reason I know this is because my landlady has told me, not him. I need to talk to him, but missed my window of sobriety on the weekend. It'll work out because as I said it HAS TO. I have classes until the Friday and a house to move into (YAY!) and a job to start on the Monday. End of story. Plus my parents are driving up that weekend to help and can't do it any other time - Mum's already organised with work for the time off. He just has to relent. Naturally I took my Bend Over Powder back to Sydney so I can't sprinkle it on his pillow. Curses!